how to increase your closet size in top girl
I need to tell you about this terrible game I’ve been playing on my iPhone. It’s called Top Girl and it’s probbbbably the most sexist game ...
http://howtolovegirl789.blogspot.com/2013/08/how-to-increase-your-closet-size-in-top.html
I need to tell you about this terrible game I’ve been playing on my
iPhone. It’s called Top Girl and it’s probbbbably the most sexist game
I’ve ever played. And I am addicted to it.
Top Girl has three components:
1. Getting a boyfriend
2. Working at a modeling agency
3. Buying clothes
I was drawn to it when I was looking for a stupid girly game that revolved around shopping and putting outfits together. The promise of girly games has haunted me since childhood. How much fun did Mall Madness look in that commercial? Who didn’t want that purple Dear Diary with the voice-activated password protection, so Brad couldn’t steal it from you at school? (Nice try, Bradddd!) Of course, those toys sucked and the promise of the commercials were ultimately never fulfilled. However, I still hold onto the promise.
That’s how I ended up playing this stupid game. Let’s break it down, because it’s a beaut.
1. Getting a boyfriend.
In Top Girl, you start out in L.A. and obtain a boyfriend by going to Club Zen and flirting with guys. Each of these guys has something to offer, be it a higher salary when you work (just like real life, right ladies?) or an increased number of clothes in your closet. See, in Top Girl, your closet size is equivalent to your level. If you amass enough clothing, you can move from L.A. to New York! But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Once you have a boyfriend, you have to maintain that shit. Everyone says that relationships are work. Sure. Let’s pretend that’s true.
In Top Girl you need to bump up your boyfriend’s Mood Meter by having intellectual conversations with him:
And by going on romantic dates with him (you pay):
Here’s the worst part. He also has a Love Meter that you fill up by kissing him. (Yes, this concept was taken directly from Vicki of Real Housewives of Orange County.) After you kiss him ten times, your relationship will progress to the next level, and he will give you an item of clothing:
Again, this is a very realistic game. There are only three levels of a relationship, and once you receive the third gift, the game won’t let you kiss your boyfriend anymore. It announces: “Your boyfriend can’t love you any more than he already does!” That’s a sweet thought, but we all know it’s fucking bullshit. What the game should really say is, “Stop putting out, you’re not getting any more presents. It’s over. Put on your comfy pants and settle in.” TO REITERATE: This game has included the “plateau” or “not trying anymore” phase of a long-term relationship. That’s depressing to me, as I play this game in bed while an episode of Lost I’ve already seen streams on Ross’s stomach.
Now, note the manliness scale. This comes into play once you achieve a high enough closet size to move to New York (a hilarious idea, as my closets here seem to get smaller with every apartment). In New York, there is a duplicate version of everything in LA, but everything is harder. (Word.) In order to work at the modeling agency in New York, you MUST have a boyfriend with a certain level of manliness. But how do you increase his manliness? Welp, you go to Bungalow 9 and flirt with other couples.
Yeah, it’s weird. But you gots to hustle to get ahead.
2. Working at a modeling agency.
I will give Top Girl credit in that at least you, as a female avatar, have a job to support yourself. However, that’s where the credit ends, as you work in a fucking modeling agency and your clothing has to be “hot” enough or you will not be allowed to work.
Yes, every item of clothing has a point value, and this is another reason that you’re constantly shopping and trying to accumulate more clothing.
3. Buying clothes.
Another reason you want to have lots of clothing is the Runway component of this game. Aww, yeah. This is a real thing. You dress your avatar up, the game pits her against another avatar, and players vote on who’s hotter. Then you get a coin bonus depending on how many votes you got.
But you make way more by voting on other people’s looks, which is great. Losers lose their shit all over the runway and SOB. It’s embarrassing.
They’ve started having nonsensical Runway themes, like “Winter Sparkle” or “Sassy Starlet,” but my game crashes everytime I try to vote now. This picture is from an earlier version. THAT’S HOW LONG I’VE BEEN PLAYING THIS STUPID GAME.
The saddest part? They started having obnoxious pop-up ads throughout gameplay. So yeah, I’m putting up with this:
Doesn’t that look fun? No.
So, that’s the terrible game I’ve been playing almost every day for the last… months. I’m not sure how long it’s been, and honestly, I don’t want to know. This game is an abomination. It’s available for free in the App Store if you want to check it out. Don’t play it. Friend me, my name is lizzycanolis. I’m sorry.
Top Girl has three components:
1. Getting a boyfriend
2. Working at a modeling agency
3. Buying clothes
I was drawn to it when I was looking for a stupid girly game that revolved around shopping and putting outfits together. The promise of girly games has haunted me since childhood. How much fun did Mall Madness look in that commercial? Who didn’t want that purple Dear Diary with the voice-activated password protection, so Brad couldn’t steal it from you at school? (Nice try, Bradddd!) Of course, those toys sucked and the promise of the commercials were ultimately never fulfilled. However, I still hold onto the promise.
That’s how I ended up playing this stupid game. Let’s break it down, because it’s a beaut.
1. Getting a boyfriend.
In Top Girl, you start out in L.A. and obtain a boyfriend by going to Club Zen and flirting with guys. Each of these guys has something to offer, be it a higher salary when you work (just like real life, right ladies?) or an increased number of clothes in your closet. See, in Top Girl, your closet size is equivalent to your level. If you amass enough clothing, you can move from L.A. to New York! But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Once you have a boyfriend, you have to maintain that shit. Everyone says that relationships are work. Sure. Let’s pretend that’s true.
In Top Girl you need to bump up your boyfriend’s Mood Meter by having intellectual conversations with him:
And by going on romantic dates with him (you pay):
Here’s the worst part. He also has a Love Meter that you fill up by kissing him. (Yes, this concept was taken directly from Vicki of Real Housewives of Orange County.) After you kiss him ten times, your relationship will progress to the next level, and he will give you an item of clothing:
Again, this is a very realistic game. There are only three levels of a relationship, and once you receive the third gift, the game won’t let you kiss your boyfriend anymore. It announces: “Your boyfriend can’t love you any more than he already does!” That’s a sweet thought, but we all know it’s fucking bullshit. What the game should really say is, “Stop putting out, you’re not getting any more presents. It’s over. Put on your comfy pants and settle in.” TO REITERATE: This game has included the “plateau” or “not trying anymore” phase of a long-term relationship. That’s depressing to me, as I play this game in bed while an episode of Lost I’ve already seen streams on Ross’s stomach.
Now, note the manliness scale. This comes into play once you achieve a high enough closet size to move to New York (a hilarious idea, as my closets here seem to get smaller with every apartment). In New York, there is a duplicate version of everything in LA, but everything is harder. (Word.) In order to work at the modeling agency in New York, you MUST have a boyfriend with a certain level of manliness. But how do you increase his manliness? Welp, you go to Bungalow 9 and flirt with other couples.
Yeah, it’s weird. But you gots to hustle to get ahead.
2. Working at a modeling agency.
I will give Top Girl credit in that at least you, as a female avatar, have a job to support yourself. However, that’s where the credit ends, as you work in a fucking modeling agency and your clothing has to be “hot” enough or you will not be allowed to work.
Yes, every item of clothing has a point value, and this is another reason that you’re constantly shopping and trying to accumulate more clothing.
3. Buying clothes.
Another reason you want to have lots of clothing is the Runway component of this game. Aww, yeah. This is a real thing. You dress your avatar up, the game pits her against another avatar, and players vote on who’s hotter. Then you get a coin bonus depending on how many votes you got.
But you make way more by voting on other people’s looks, which is great. Losers lose their shit all over the runway and SOB. It’s embarrassing.
They’ve started having nonsensical Runway themes, like “Winter Sparkle” or “Sassy Starlet,” but my game crashes everytime I try to vote now. This picture is from an earlier version. THAT’S HOW LONG I’VE BEEN PLAYING THIS STUPID GAME.
The saddest part? They started having obnoxious pop-up ads throughout gameplay. So yeah, I’m putting up with this:
Doesn’t that look fun? No.
So, that’s the terrible game I’ve been playing almost every day for the last… months. I’m not sure how long it’s been, and honestly, I don’t want to know. This game is an abomination. It’s available for free in the App Store if you want to check it out. Don’t play it. Friend me, my name is lizzycanolis. I’m sorry.
